The events in this post took place over 6 months ago, but the thoughts are still relevant:
It was a long day. It's always a bit trying for an alternative health person like me to spend all day at the hospital with someone I love, being respectful and asking questions without sounding like I don't trust the people who are trying to help. But I love my parents, and I do honestly respect their choices to follow the mainstream medical track. I have to say that, over the past few years, the emergency admission process has gotten a lot better. We still did a lot of “hurry up and wait,” but the waiting was less tedious, the facilities and attention were better, and staff was, to a person, friendly and helpful. And I got to talk with my dad, that amazing, obstreperous person I grew up loving and hating at the same time. It's a standing joke in my family that one of the benefits of Dad having Alzheimer's is that he doesn't remember how hard things used to be between us. And I'm certainly not going to remind him! There was something about me that just bugged the heck out of him. Even when I was in my 30s, we had an adventure where I did something he didn't like, and he lit into me verbally and said all kinds of things I couldn't believe, and then wouldn't apologize. Well, I'm happy those days are past. Now, he is ever delighted to see me, and that brings out the best in me. So, today we talked about the DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order in his Living Will and hospital paperwork. We talked about it because he had agreed to it at one time, but sometime today when a medical person said something about “bringing [him] back” he said, “That sounds like a good idea.” We talked about it because that's something I can do, and he needed to do, and I'm glad we did. He told me that he didn't want to be a burden to anyone, and I told him that we didn't want to get rid of him, but that we wanted him to enjoy his quality of life, and if that was gone it would be rough on him and everyone. He told me that he felt as though he was letting people down, and I told him that I didn't know of anyone in his life that felt that way. He spent a lot of years doing a lot for all of us, and it's okay with us if he takes it easy. He said that he felt like there were so many things left undone, and I said that that's the way it always is, for anyone who is going on. It's a moving stream – life – and people dive in and get out, and the stream moves on – at least that's how it looks to those of us who are currently in the stream. And when you get out, all those things you worried about, all those details left undone … POOF! They don't matter anymore. What matters is the relationships you had with friends and family, and how your energy is carried on in the world. And there, I said, he has nothing to worry about. He said that he isn't ready to go, and I said, “Well, we all have to go, and the fact is that you are already going, little by little, away from the world that the rest of us inhabit. (He has Alzheimer's.) Wouldn't it be better, if something should happen that might take you on a little sooner, to just go, rather than keep your body alive as long as possible?” He agreed, but I could tell that it was difficult. He loves us and this grand, awful, lovely, difficult world so much. He said he will miss things. I said we will miss him. And everybody misses things, but I don't think it matters so much to those who go on. They aren't themselves anymore. They are part of everything, and since we who can only see the stream are also part of everything, they don't really miss us. They are us. That's how they live forever.
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This page is dedicated to the creation of Sacred Space in your world and in mine. Building Sacred Space begins with a realization that recognizing or marking something as sacred is a function of being human. Even an atheist recognizes things in life that s/he considers sacred, or at least special.
We begin by acknowledging life passages, times that deserve our awe and honor, that require a moment to stop and notice. As we take responsibility for knowing the times that deserve our attention, and as we develop ways to honor those times, our lives open to the possibility of living every moment in Sacred Space, of taking that space and honor and acknowledgment with us wherever we go. In that spirit, I begin this blog. My entries will be varied, touching on common human topics, ideas that everyone ruminates on, perhaps ways to deal with troublesome questions -- or at least ways that I deal with them. Our human day of celebrating a New Year carries with it so much significance. We begin again. We wipe the slate clean. We look at the things we would like to change about ourselves and may even take concrete steps toward those changes. At the same time, let us take a moment to examine the places where we have already become someone with whom we are comfortable, proud, and satisfied. Let us embrace gratitude for life itself, and for the love within us that we can choose to share with others. Let us scan the pages of our daily lives for the places we create community and the opportunities therein to share Sacred Space. Obviously, a church would be an ideal place for this. If you attend a church and do not feel as though you are creating Sacred Space there, take a moment without judgment to look at why you continue to participate in that community and how you might make it a Sacred Space for yourself. If you have no Sacred Space in your hurried, busy life, visit my home page to discover how I can help you begin to create this resource for yourself. |
AuthorThinker, lover, curator of Sacred Space. Archives
June 2016
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